Picture from: http://momitforward.com/

When was the last time you were genuinely kind?

‘Kindness’ as we call it, is seldom that. Too many times I see ‘kindness’ used as a cover for control, manipulation, dependency building, and creating expectations.

Kindness is: a ‘kind deed’

In Merriam-Webster dictionary online. It actually has very little definition applied to it, so no wonder the word Kindness is so misused.

In real life and online, I see people trying to be kind to each other, but the truth is you have to be ‘kind’ to yourself before you can even remotely be genuinely kind to others. Your heart needs to be used to experience kindness. You need to feel love and care for yourself, in order to be kind!  Kindness resides in the heart. Many of us don’t know the first thing about connecting to our heart and really loving ourselves. Every time I read the phrase “Treat others as you would like to be treated” I have a good chuckle. I have seen many people treat themselves most terribly. There is nothing nice, pleasant, or kind about how we abuse ourselves, how we shut out our feelings, abuse our bodies, neglect our mind, and often completely ignore our spirit.

If you treat me the way you treat yourself, hmmm, I think I’ll pass.

I understand kindness to be:
Giving time, a resource, a connection, or affection accepting all possible outcomes, expecting nothing in return, and keeping my ‘kind deed’ to myself. 

The minute we share what we did, we are boasting, whether we mean to or not. The minute we say ‘you owe me one’ you did not offer kindness. The moment we think ‘that makes me a good person’, we did not engage in kindness. The ego mind is all about control. It is all about ‘better, bigger, brighter, stronger’. If the intent of your actions is any of those outcomes, kindness has left the building.

When I share on twitter I am not being kind, I am being smart and networking.

When I share with my family, I am not being kind I am supporting and promoting my family’s survival.

When I listen and build relationships with my clients, I am not being kind I am doing my job.

Only when I help someone, expecting absolutely nothing in return, and provide support just for the sake of acting supportive in the moment, am I truly being kind. That’s not very often. (Also, I would tell you examples of the few times I have practiced kindness, but then they would no longer be just acts of kindness, now would they) But I’m working on it. I am practicing everyday. Some days are better than others.

To practice kindness is the only way to really learn it - picture from www.motivationalmemo.com

Kindly, please refrain from using the word ‘kind’ when it does not apply. Perhaps, just try the word nice instead.